groooosss

so i come back from Mike and Vicky's wedding (soo exciting) this weekend and being at home for a bit, and find out that what I thought were mice, are actually rats. ratS. plural. I'm so disgusted. I can barely even describe it. Like, when I knew we had mice, that's something I'm kind of used to - having grown up in the country in older houses you just sort of have to deal with it. But rats? i feel so violated!

just me and the mice

I'm a very strange person when I don't have enough sleep. I can't believe that some things from my past can still come back and haunt me (almost literally) when I've dealt with them. I thought I was so over that. Great is the power of darkness, but greater yet is the power of Christ in me.

and then I went to Shoppers Drugmart just so I could be around people.

can I just say that I saw enough rancid old freezer-burnt food and gross mouse poo today than I ever would like to see in my life. I can't believe the state the house is in right now. It's possible that it hasn't had a good cleaning since.... 2003? gross. totally gross

i don't know why you say goodbye, i say hello!

I just sent Angela off in a taxi with all her stuff. She shipped 700 lbs of stuff to Calgary yesterday and now she is officially moved out of Chateau William. I am now alone in my house. My whole house has moved on to bigger and better things, to a new stage of life: to Med school in australia, to marriage, to post-undergrad-to-be-determined-until-she-gets-accepted-into-med-school-next-year, and to a year of ministry in north africa. I remember in January being sad that I'd only have a few more months with these awesome women, but I didn't know then how close I would grow with them. How many inside jokes we would have, how we would pray together, minister together, minister to each other. How we would laugh so much, and fight so little by the grace God provided us. It's so amazing to see how these relationships have formed. This time last year I barely knew Angela and Rachel, even Tanya and Amanda I knew, but not nearly as well as I do now. This time last year I was still in Montreal working and processing project.

This year I've matured in so many ways. I've experienced things I hope no one ever has to experience, I've dealt with problems and seen friends deal with problems that are truly heartbreaking. I've become more considerate in the way I speak, although I still have to go a very long long way before I will no longer hurt people when I open my mouth.

God has opened a new door for me. Starting in two weeks my new housemates will move in. Four more wonderful women of God will begin to share their lives with me and I mine with them. I never thought I would be so nervous. I'm usually so 'whatever, get over it, it'll be just fine.' But I've seen how easily I hurt people, I've seen how much grace it requires to live with me, to be friends with me. I wonder if these women really know what they're getting themselves into. I wonder if they have the grace it will require. I wonder if I am prepared enough for the trials I will face this upcoming year.

I'm so unused to this territory; the ground I walk on is no less steady than any other time, but this time I have less faith and I don't know why. This time, because I have a heightened sense of my own wretchedness, rather than rejoicing in God's strength, sovereignty, and divine love and grace that has and will cover me, this time I have to admit.... eww thinking of what I was just going to write made me realize just how crazy I am. I was going to say 'i have to admit, I wonder if His love, grace, and strength are enough to cover over my mistakes.' Bad Jess! Really, really really bad jess! God's grace is sufficient for me. Always. I will trust that.