I just sent Angela off in a taxi with all her stuff. She shipped 700 lbs of stuff to Calgary yesterday and now she is officially moved out of Chateau William. I am now alone in my house. My whole house has moved on to bigger and better things, to a new stage of life: to Med school in australia, to marriage, to post-undergrad-to-be-determined-until-she-gets-accepted-into-med-school-next-year, and to a year of ministry in north africa. I remember in January being sad that I'd only have a few more months with these awesome women, but I didn't know then how close I would grow with them. How many inside jokes we would have, how we would pray together, minister together, minister to each other. How we would laugh so much, and fight so little by the grace God provided us. It's so amazing to see how these relationships have formed. This time last year I barely knew Angela and Rachel, even Tanya and Amanda I knew, but not nearly as well as I do now. This time last year I was still in Montreal working and processing project.
This year I've matured in so many ways. I've experienced things I hope no one ever has to experience, I've dealt with problems and seen friends deal with problems that are truly heartbreaking. I've become more considerate in the way I speak, although I still have to go a very long long way before I will no longer hurt people when I open my mouth.
God has opened a new door for me. Starting in two weeks my new housemates will move in. Four more wonderful women of God will begin to share their lives with me and I mine with them. I never thought I would be so nervous. I'm usually so 'whatever, get over it, it'll be just fine.' But I've seen how easily I hurt people, I've seen how much grace it requires to live with me, to be friends with me. I wonder if these women really know what they're getting themselves into. I wonder if they have the grace it will require. I wonder if I am prepared enough for the trials I will face this upcoming year.
I'm so unused to this territory; the ground I walk on is no less steady than any other time, but this time I have less faith and I don't know why. This time, because I have a heightened sense of my own wretchedness, rather than rejoicing in God's strength, sovereignty, and divine love and grace that has and will cover me, this time I have to admit.... eww thinking of what I was just going to write made me realize just how crazy I am. I was going to say 'i have to admit, I wonder if His love, grace, and strength are enough to cover over my mistakes.' Bad Jess! Really, really really bad jess! God's grace is sufficient for me. Always. I will trust that.
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" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
Mark 9:23-25
:D Doubts happen... that is when we exclaim, help me overcome my unbelief!
Must be lonely right now :( Weren't you all alone like this around this time last year too >_>
Thanks for the reminder from scripture, Jon. And yeah you're sort of right about last year: this time last year i was emotionally alone, but around ppl!
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