in the name of love (Pride)

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philipians 2:3.

God has been bringing the first part of that verse to my mind a lot in the last week. Little did I know it was in preparation for a huge rebuke. Rebuke is good. It can be hard, but it's good. When I look back on my life, the few major defining moments are centered around someone lovingly rebuking me, telling me I'm the most selfish person they've met, or that I love people conditionally. Ouch. Last summer my discipler randomly asked to meet with me the next day, and I asked myself 'well, why not now? what's wrong with now?' She sounded a bit nervous to ask me for that meeting so my first response was "OH NO SHE'S GOING TO REBUKE ME!" and then for the rest of the day I tried to figure out what it was she was going to rebuke me on.

Last night I asked for it. Literally. My housemate and I were going for an evening stroll and discussing what we were excited about for this upcoming school year. I asked her, since she was the KSL at Queen's last year what advice she had to leave with me personally, she said 'you know that verse about treating others as better than yourself? Do that.' A few minutes later I asked her to point out some of my weaknesses. She was really reluctant. Really reluctant. I was oddly eager. If I had known the long list she was going to bust out, I don't know if I would have been THAT eager haha.

And then she laid it all out. Kindly, I should add. I know I'm a proud person, and sometimes I can pinpoint it in the way I talk and the way I behave, but she opened up a whole new can of worms in the way I interact with people. Like I said, I wasn't prepared for the list to go on. I guess the list didn't really 'go on' but she just kept giving examples of my pride, and there was a moment where I was like 'is she actually saying this? does that example even count?!' Part of me wonders why no one has ever pointed this out if apparently I was so obscenely proud. It's even MORE humbling/embarrassing to think that God had me rebuke another friend several months ago about pride. Although, I didn't go into that with the intention of cutting him down, but building him up... and there was definitely some jonah-syndrome before I actually did follow through.

God is definitely teaching me more about grace this summer. Scandalous grace. He's also revealing his amazing faithfulness. I knew He was faithful before, but the fact that I don't think any pray has gone unanswered, any need unmet. Week after week, Brittany and I together pray for things and we see Him provide. Last week I asked for vision for this fall, he answered. Yesterday I asked him to show me an area where I need to grow, BOY did He answer. Amazing grace, indeed.