in the name of love (Pride)

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philipians 2:3.

God has been bringing the first part of that verse to my mind a lot in the last week. Little did I know it was in preparation for a huge rebuke. Rebuke is good. It can be hard, but it's good. When I look back on my life, the few major defining moments are centered around someone lovingly rebuking me, telling me I'm the most selfish person they've met, or that I love people conditionally. Ouch. Last summer my discipler randomly asked to meet with me the next day, and I asked myself 'well, why not now? what's wrong with now?' She sounded a bit nervous to ask me for that meeting so my first response was "OH NO SHE'S GOING TO REBUKE ME!" and then for the rest of the day I tried to figure out what it was she was going to rebuke me on.

Last night I asked for it. Literally. My housemate and I were going for an evening stroll and discussing what we were excited about for this upcoming school year. I asked her, since she was the KSL at Queen's last year what advice she had to leave with me personally, she said 'you know that verse about treating others as better than yourself? Do that.' A few minutes later I asked her to point out some of my weaknesses. She was really reluctant. Really reluctant. I was oddly eager. If I had known the long list she was going to bust out, I don't know if I would have been THAT eager haha.

And then she laid it all out. Kindly, I should add. I know I'm a proud person, and sometimes I can pinpoint it in the way I talk and the way I behave, but she opened up a whole new can of worms in the way I interact with people. Like I said, I wasn't prepared for the list to go on. I guess the list didn't really 'go on' but she just kept giving examples of my pride, and there was a moment where I was like 'is she actually saying this? does that example even count?!' Part of me wonders why no one has ever pointed this out if apparently I was so obscenely proud. It's even MORE humbling/embarrassing to think that God had me rebuke another friend several months ago about pride. Although, I didn't go into that with the intention of cutting him down, but building him up... and there was definitely some jonah-syndrome before I actually did follow through.

God is definitely teaching me more about grace this summer. Scandalous grace. He's also revealing his amazing faithfulness. I knew He was faithful before, but the fact that I don't think any pray has gone unanswered, any need unmet. Week after week, Brittany and I together pray for things and we see Him provide. Last week I asked for vision for this fall, he answered. Yesterday I asked him to show me an area where I need to grow, BOY did He answer. Amazing grace, indeed.

boardshorts

Check out the totally awkward advertisement on the webclip above my email. I'd also like to point out that the content of the email was nothing like that as you can see from the subject title. Click on it to enlarge it.

two worlds collide

Yesterday I was feeling frustrated with myself for not desiring to spend time with God, and for being discontent with my job. Today, as I was walking to work (and when I got there it turned out I don't work until 2) I was thinking about how, in my experience, Christians can be 'classist' and not value people as God implores us to; that we will shy away from people who look trashy or sketchy, just like any other person.

When I left work at 10 I decided not to go straight home but to walk up the street maybe to look at some shoes or something (because I had nothing really pressing to do). I was walking by some sushi restaurant and I saw a homeless man on the street with a shabby cardboard sign with a picture of Jesus on the cross. I thought 'this is odd, he must be making fun of christians' and I asked him if I could do anything for him, buy him anything or whatever. He replied, "No, I don't ask anybody for anything."

I sat down and asked him to share his testimony with me. He did.

Billy has lived on the streets most of his life and grew up an athiest. There he panhandled and got into lots of drugs: heroine, ecstasy, cocaine, crack, pot, alcohol etc. He was into prostitution and a lot of other really messed up stuff. He spent some time at a Christian youth day centre where he was told about God for the 50 millionth time in his life. He would say that he met God in an intersection. He was looking for direction and at this intersection God gave him direction, gave him salvation, gave him freedom from the brokeness of this world. He believes God has called him to live on the street, to ask nobody for anything, and to preach God's word, to share Jesus with people. He is rejected daily, he is ignored regularly, and he hasn't showered in 4 weeks. He stays in a town for as long as he feels God wants him there. He doesn't know where he's going next, he doesn't know where his next meal is coming from. He, as far as I am concerned, is the only example I have seen that 'man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God' (Matthew 4:4).

He wasn't perfect. He had a potty mouth. He was tired from sleeping on the street. He loves Canada. And he repented more times and asked God to forgive him more times than I ever have heard someone do in a conversation. He really lived solely on the word of God. God rebuked me by the way Billy lived his life. I have much and I complain much. Billy knows that he is alive by the grace of God, but because life is difficult he is (maybe a little im)patiently waiting for the day of the LORD to come. But he relied on the Holy Spirit in a pretty amazing way, which was even evident from my short hour spent with him.

I was greatly encouraged by him. By his love for people, by his conviction to follow the cross of Christ with his whole being. He wants a job, he wants it to be God's will for him to have a job, but right now he really feels being called to live this life. He said he's going to check out "this Bethel church" which he apparently has heard about. So hopefully I will see him there on Sunday. But maybe God will have taken him elsewhere by then. Meet Billy:


I felt a bit weird taking a picture of a man who owns so little with my digital camera. But I feel like he would want me to share what I learned with others. He insisted that I get everything in the picture, including his 'dirty bum Jesus' (ie - not that Jesus is a dirty bum, but that he is a self-proclaimed dirty bum who made the shabby sign because he felt God directing him to. 'Good plan, God' he said haha) and the Subway I bought him.

God's been slowly breaking me into this whole sharing my life with anyone and everyone thing. He's teaching me how to love the homeless and the obviously broken, and how to not assume that they'll reject me because I'm a young blonde who likes pink and doesn't do drugs. God is showing me that I don't know where life will take me and I better cling to Him and his Word in case I lose everything and look back and realize how I've wasted my life.

The Wedding pt I

it seems like so much has happened since the beginning of the week. And by 'so much' I feel like I may just be a different person than I was on monday. The speech was well received. So well received, I decided to post it. So here goes:

First of all I just want to thank all of you for coming to celebrate this exciting day for Jordan and Amanda. Thank you to Amanda’s family for working so hard to provide us this meal; to the groom's parents for their contribution last night; and thanks so much to Amanda for being so gracious to us – her bridesmaids and housemates – throughout this whole process. We know it’s been stressful for you but now it’s almost over! And I would finally like to thank God for keeping the groomsmen safe last night and for keeping the rain at bay during the pictures today.

I’ve known Amanda since our first year at University here at Queen’s and our relationship blossomed and was cemented by becoming housemates this past year. I remember her being different from everyone else on campus because she cared deeply about me and our friendship immediately after we first met here at Bethel one day. She wasn’t like the other people who would carry on awkward conversation and say hi in passing; she knew my name and pursued a friendship with me with love and compassion.

As I know both of you will see a bit of the difficulties of what marriage brings, Jordan – I will share with you some wisdom I’ve gained in living with Amanda this past year.

1. When deciding on jewelry as a gift, diamonds or other feminine necklaces will go over much better with her than bullets on chains.
2. Be wary of her mock-chicken eating habits or it might come back to haunt you – literally… it might come back.
3. Don’t be offended if she follows you around the kitchen cleaning up behind you AS YOU ARE EATING. Just kindly remind her that she can’t wash the spoon while its in your mouth. Let’s just say she likes her kitchen clean.
4. Don’t be shocked if your bathroom/bedroom/kichen/livingroom arrangements are moved or changed monthly. She likes change. Regular and frequent change.
5. She loves cards and post-it notes with messages of how you love her, care for her, are thinking of her, praying for her, or even with just a scripture reference.
6. Don’t let her change the subject if you ask her about her day. It means she’s avoiding talking about something she needs to deal with. Love her and gently force her to answer!

The other day I was listening to a sermon on my Ipod and I thought I would share a section of it with you guys today. It’s a quote from Marc Driscoll, one of my favourite speakers other than our very own Pastor Doug of course! Driscoll was talking about men loving their crazy hot-headed wives. A little disclaimer: Amanda, I’m not saying you’re crazy or hot-headed, but I think it’s safe to say that women can be emotional at times and under a little stress, even things like cheese can seem INCREDIBLY important. He explains:

Men take their cue of how to love their wife from who? From Jesus….Who is Jesus’ bride? The church! Aww she’s a pretty one isn’t she? What a keeper she is. Wrong. How many of you would like to be married to Christianity? Oh that would be fun… No its not. Does the church respect Jesus, follow Jesus, honour Jesus, listen to Jesus, treat him with the dignity that he requires? No. So how does Jesus respond to his HORRENDOUS wife? He loves her. He’s patient with her. He’s compassionate with her. He’s merciful to her. Does Jesus ever raise his hand? Does he ever raise his voice in a sinful way? No…. we are to be like Jesus. We are to initiate, we are to love, we are to bless, we are to encourage, and we are to serve. Jesus’s wife killed him and what did he do? He resurrected and kept pursuing her. You get up and keep pursuing her.

It’s true that I don’t have any idea what marriage is like. But what I do know is that living with Amanda and the rest of these fine housemates of mine has been a huge learning process for me. Amanda, you have taught me so much grace this past year. You have taught me to be more considerate in the way I communicate, to be less cold and harsh. You have lovingly helped me keep my cool during times when I should have been calming you down. You have taught to be more patient and to pray a lot more and you have taught me about servanthood. Well, I should say God has taught me these things through you.

Jordan, it is with joy that I pass one of my best friends on to you. It is my prayer that you will love her, that you would cherish her, lead her in God’s adventure for you both, and always choose to get up and pursue her. Amanda, remember that although you are moving away from us, home is not where your friends are; home is where God is. I pray that you two will build your home together with God at the centre, I pray that you two will daily seek Him and that you will edify each other with your words. Remember that Peter urges us to “love each other deeply for love covers over a multitude of sins” and that “if anyone speaks he should do it as one speaking the very words of God, and if anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides.” Remember that the Holy Spirit dwells in you both and it is only through His power that you two will have a long, wonderful, joyful, marriage. I am praying for you two, and I am so excited to see how God blesses you both through this union that you began today.

Speech, speech, speech!

Well, it's done. And this time Angela didn't give me her "ekk, sketch" face and say "well, it needs some work" haha. So I'm happy with it. I'll probably read over it again tomorrow and bring it in to the Emergency room with me when I finally get my wrist checked out that I hurt a couple weeks ago at work. If I somehow broke a small bone in my wrist, I'm going to refuse to get a cast on until after the wedding. That would be so horrible having a cast in the wedding pictures! I will update and post pictures of the wedding craziness very shortly (and by very shortly I mean on Thursday)

excitement

It's posts like this & this that make me so excited to go on STINT to Tanzania.

maybe redemption has stories to tell

God reminded me of how much I've changed over the years today.

I was thinking about my testimony and how I would present it to a large group of people if I had the opportunity (this is kind of weird... i do this sometimes, like practicing in my mind for doing it @ a c4c weekly meeting). He reminded me just how angry and hateful I used to be. I've changed so much since then and so it's really hard for me to remember how intense this hate and anger was, but He used an image to show how he's softened my heart over the years and how I guess in some ways I do have a much gentler spirit than I used to. Praise God for his transformative powers, cause let me tell you - I wasn't that fun to be around. Well, maybe I was fun, but I could definitely hold a grudge.

It's truly a marvel to see where I started off and how far God has brought me, and to remember that I'm still a work in progress is so encouraging: I still have a ways to go, but at least it means I know I wont be stuck in these bad habits I'm experiencing right now!!!

MOH

Wow. Maid of Honour speeches are freaking hard. Usually I'm good at this sappy stuff when I need to be. Hmm. I need to spend more time being sappy so then when I can write sappy speeches it will be easier. I think what's wrong with my draft is that it's trying to be a mix of funny and sappy. butttttttttttt I should just go for sappy cause funny could turn to hurtful easily. I can't believe the wedding is in a week!!!!!!! so insane