i do not promote drug-use or other illicit behaviours...

Something you should probably not say in the DG you're leading:

"Yeah, I can really relate to that. Like you, I really disrespected most authority in my life, especially my parents. They'd tell me to do something and I'd be like "how about no?" But I mean, it wasn't like I was out doing really bad stuff. I wasn't off snorting crack off of... the body of some girl...."

I will not confirm or deny that this actually happened. Generally speaking though, I do need to learn to think before I speak.... and to not opt for shock-value.

slow changes in perspective

Last night I ended up finding the blog of a friend I went to Nepal with. He's back in Nepal with Word Made Flesh as a full-time missionary. As I was reading about his work on his blog, it reminded me of some of my old (and current, but dormant) perspectives on missions work.

I used to be way more socially conscious, way more into social justice. I used to cry all the time about poverty and the suffering in the world - and somehow I felt that that was a good judge of how compassionate I was. The more I studied these things and "fixing poverty" seemed more and more impossible I became pretty disillusioned. I think the turning point for a lot of my thoughts happened when I met up with the Hinzel in January, 2007. He said something that really shocked me and I remember thinking "is he really saying this?!" After asking me what I was doing right now to help solve the millions-of-orphans-in-the-world situation, and after I started talking about reaching leaders to change policy etc., he was like "it's more than just policy! Jesus said: 'You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me' (Matthew 26:11)." When he said this, I seriously thought he was crazy and was just very not socially-conscious or one of those right-wing republican americans. But as we continued the conversation, I realized that he wasn't crazy and his politics didn't matter.

I was afraid that the poor always being poor meant hopelessness. In devs at Queen's, it does. Never have they offered us a solution or even really a hope for a solution aside from Marxism, but let's be serious - as marxist as I used to be (ie: semi-marxist? or something?) - even I admit that Marxism is impossible and hopeless. It is an ideal that can only be achieved without sin, otherwise it will always break down into totalitarianism or pain of other sorts. So when Gregg said this about poverty, that it will always exist, I knew it must be true because Jesus said it, and I knew that because Jesus said it, I needed to come to terms with it.

What I found was that I need to focus my energies not on 'solving poverty' but ensuring those in poverty are able to live with purpose, joy and the abundant life that Jesus came to offer to us. This is part of the reason why I'm joining staff instead of working with an NGO. Do I feel less compassionate because I've decided to work with C4C rather than a more mercy-related mission organization like Word Made Flesh? Yes, actually I do. But I don't think that my decisions of what I should do with my life should be based on how they make me feel.

Anyways, I've been reflecting on how I am actually less development-minded and socially conscious coming out of my degree than going in. I think what I've realized is that social justice is really incredible and wonderful and part of God's plan extend grace and mercy to people, but right now I need to be mobilizing people to make disciples.

thoughts

Things I've been thinking about this past few weeks:

• I need more sunshine in my life
• I love the socialist aspects of Canada (ie. health care and employment insurance etc)
• I'm a terrible, terrible selfish person and thus inevitably a really bad friend
• I like the beach, and shopping (not necessarily spending money) is oddly relaxing.
• I would like a magazine that is similar to Boundless.org, but less politically affiliated to the republicanism... and better in general
  
• I don't like "sillyness" and I'm not exactly sure how I define 'sillyness' because people who go to our DG would definitely call that ridiculous behaviour, but I don't call it silly. Just.... tired and desperate people coming together and constant laughter and some prayer ensues
• I'm looking forward to being finished University, but really sad at the same time
• I'm freakishly like Jane Eyre
• I can live without compulsively checking my email
• the B12 might be working and ensuring I can deal with only 9 hours of sleep a night instead of 10.
  
• Mark Driscoll is funny and his book is a really good read.
  
• I don't want to have to be in a vehicle for any length of time for awhile.
  
• pay-at-the-pump gas stations are awesome
• outlet malls are amazing: pink leather gloves for $35 (down from $100).
  
• I miss my homies from last year
• I really like Kala and United We Stand
  

26ºC

I'm posting from a hotel in Florida. Today Kathryn, Brittany and I travelled from Jacksonville to Tampa and on the way saw something really surprising. This trip has been pretty awesome for all of us, and it has opened my eyes even more to the world we live in. Yesterday and today the one thing all of us noticed was how 'Third World' some of the places we drove through were. The dilapidated house and broken down churches. Britt kept referring to how it reminded her of Tanzania, and Kathryn said it smacked of Panama - I can't say it looked like Nepal, but it was definitely striking and disturbing.

Tomorrow, the beach!

la sieste

I sleep too much. I've always slept too much, or been tired when I only got 8 hours of sleep. This past school year I've been pretty good about going to bed at 10:30 p.m. and waking up at 8:30 a.m. for a wonderful 10 hours of sleep. A bit much, it seems, right? But that's what is natural for me. The troubling thing this semester is that even though I'll sleep 10 hours, I will still be really tired in the afternoon. Last saturday night I slept a beautiful 10 hours, and then had a THREE HOUR nap in the afternoon. Same thing last night, and now i could probably nap for an hour to two hours. I took iron supplements last semester and that wasn't really helping. Today I decided that I will take a multivitamin for a month and if that doesn't help, I will schedule a doctor's appointment to investigate what it is. I'm aware that slight serotonin imbalances can cause this type of behviour. I'll cross that bridge if I get to it. I'm going to go sleep now.