"we are more wicked than we ever dared believe..." Tim Keller
The truth of this statement has become a reality for me these past few months. I had heard this statement last from a friend and I knew its truth then. But now, it has become even more real to me. It has become so clear as I have had a better view of my own depravity. Most of us, when we hear this statement, agree with it intellectually knowing that we are all sinners according to Romans.
But before MPD I don't think I really truly had come to terms with my OWN depravity. I knew that other people were murderers and rapists and global conspirators and by definition my sin was equal to theirs. That made me really bad. But I don't think I really felt the weight of my deeds. It was more guilt by association. We all sinned in Adam, therefore I am a sinner.
However, now I know my depravity. I wrestle with it daily, hourly, on a moment-by-moment basis. I usually lose, to be quite honest. It has been the most humiliating, awful experience as I come to see my soul in a way I never thought possible.
Before MPD, this statement was more like a public service announcement to me. Like "FYI, you suck even though you don't really think you do." But it has moved from being a television PSA to something I have experienced. I know understand Romans 7 in a way I hoped I never would.
I now know the hard truth about my ongoing war against my flesh, and yet it's worse than I can even comprehend.
Oh, how pround I have been in ways I did not know.
3 comments:
"but more loved and accepted in Christ than we ever dared hope"
you ruined my post for tomorrow :p
hah. i figured you wouldnt just leave it at that!
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