new things

It's a new year, a new semester. I like the idea of new seasons, opportunities to start over and make things right again. It's like January is a time of forgiveness, where all things done the previous year are forgotten and ammends are made. I started writing this earlier today, before I started to second guess myself.

I hate mornings. Well, mornings aren't bad in themselves. Mornings are fine as long as I'm sleeping through them. I hate the prospect of being in class in the morning. I like the way the sun hits the buildings with that burnt orange colour as its rising... but mornings are not my friend. And you know, I don't even know if its the morning that I hate so much, or the lack of sleep that comes with the morning. Perhaps if I went to bed earlier I wouldn't hate mornings so much - but that would require me missing out on the social action here at Chateau William and I don't think I could handle that. I hate being on the outside; I'm always looking for an in.

I second guess myself a lot. Earlier today I was stoked for my oral french class. Excited that I'll be able to finally speak better french by the end of the semester. But now I look at my schedule and realize that I'm going to have to wake up *before* 8 on tuesdays, and at 9am wednesdays and fridays. I know, I know, I'm pathetic for whining - if you want you could even throw at me the argument that girls around the world would LOVE to have the opportunity to even go to school at all. And I'm whining. Whatever. I hate mornings. And I'm seriously considering dropping that french class because it will be a challenge. And not only will it be a challenge, I'll have to get up early in the morning and I will be bitter in it and at it.

I mentioned dropping the class to Lydia and she replied: "since when you do back down from a challenge?"

You'd think that I was tough and like challenge. Sometimes I do. Sometimes it doesn't bother me and I'm just like "whatever, let's do this thang" but there are many times when I bail, many times when I step aside and let an opportunity pass me by. My apathy will allow me to look back with no regret and smile to myself because I just made my life a little easier. I shouldn't live my life always attempting to make it easier. But, hey! Sometimes easy is nice.