So far in MPD I've really been forced to revisit almost every area of who I used to be before God really started changing me. It has been a gentle thing which I'm very grateful for because a lot of these things I would rather forget. Like the one MPD appointment where my supporter told me I had really hurt her son growing up (I was a mean kid, maybe even a bit of a bully?). That appointment made me really have to consider who I was back then and who I had become. I had to ask the question 'why did I turn out semi-decently when I could have been many many other things'?
I've had to sort of revisit another aspect of my past which I wont go into detail here. It also relates to MPD because I need to ask myself – do I really want to approach these people and give them the opportunity to share in what I'm doing. I formerly would really loved to never hear their names or speak to them ever again. Not because I have any un-dealt with feelings but because it would just be so awkward because of what took place between their family and mine.
What got me thinking about this was because my one really super enthusiastic champion supporter wanted to introduce me to some of his business partners. I ended up going to a Landowners Union political rally. Say what?
Some of you may know that I live in the country & spent the majority of my life in a rinkidink town full of people who drive their skidoos to school in the winter and listen to country music very loudly and take much pride in their country-ness. I spent the first 6 years of my life in Saskatoon and had always thought of myself as a city girl. When I moved to the town I live in now, that translated as HUGE pride and I was a snob about it. I pretty much carried that with me to a lesser extent until I got to university. Even still I can see traces of it in me, but there are things that I really value about my time in the area and really wouldn't trade it for anything. I still don't really like country music but there definitely is something attractive about a man who feels comfortable tacking horses, even if I know very little about it.
So here I find myself being asked to write articles for a local magazine called "Landowner" and attending a political rally raising awareness that the Government is doing all this crappy stuff to local rural people. Standing there listening to the people talking I had profound respect for them. They were not the uneducated farmers who chose to farm because they couldn't work the stock market & now are asking ridiculous things of the government. They were citizens who did their research – quoted the UN HABITAT document (we studied that a bit in a class I took) and were civil society collaborating and engaging the government to protect their rights and to keep it in check. I've written many arguments about how this is a key factor in a healthy democracy.
I did feel very out of place even just in what I was wearing but I felt quite at home with these white-40+-farmers because they sounded a lot like some of my left-wing classmates. It was a very interesting and enlightening experience for me. And I got to meet some potential supporters, too.
I feel so out of my element. I feel like God is totally forcing me to deal with this not-so-secret semi-resentment for the place I grew up. I think part of the reason I felt this way about the place I live is that I just never really felt like I fit in. I definitely contributed to this because I distanced myself from the local culture (but I have grown an appreciation for AC/DC, which is very much an Ottawa Valley thing).
I'm glad this is happening; I don't exactly want to be a proud snob!
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