Cake Wrecks

I found this blog, Cake Wrecks, which posts pictures of screwed up cake artistry etc. It's interesting the types of blogs that exist nowadays. I had to post this one because it was just way too funny. I definitely LOLed. I actually found it when I was looking for a quebecois blog about jesus haha. go figure. 

"Sorry about your herpes"

Let's celebrate!

Bucket List

Tonight my dad and I watched The Bucket List. It was a sweet story of two men coming to the end of their lives and deciding to live it up a bit before they die. It was funny, it was tear-jerking, and it made me think of my own life. Sure, I'm only 22 and I have a few years left in me (Lord willing), but I still couldn't help but think about my future.

If I've learned anything in the last few years about how to live life right, it's that I should plan for the future, to live intentionally. My parents taught me that I should be investing in RRSPs as soon as I'm done school. C4C taught me to be intentional in my relationships with others, making sure to consider the spiritual lives of those around me of huge importance. In High School I heard this motivational speaker tell us that the people who make lists while they were young were like 80% more likely to live successful lives, according to the lists they wrote while they were young.

I was skeptical, as a good teenage cynic would be. I wrote the list anyway. It was my secret, written on the walls of my heart. As a 16 year old there were 3 things that were so important to me they made it on my list:

1. Become bilingual (English & French) by the time I was 25.
2. Write a novel.
3. Travel the world.

So far, it's looking pretty promising. I have 3 more years to become fully bilingual and I plan to make it official through the documentation necessary. I'll be pretty upset with myself if I don't do it seeing as I made the goal when I was 16 and I had 9 years to finish it. I wrote a 189 page book in one month when I was 18 (if you've ever wanted to write, you should seriously try this. It's so rewarding..... you'll want quit half the time, so you'll need some pretty good motivation to continue. Seriously fun, though!), and I've travelled a bit of the world.

When it comes to planning ahead, at 16 I think I got a bit of a head start. Soon I will have the ability to save my money and put it towards the things that matter to me. This summer I've been thinking about what it is that matters enough that I should save in the short term for. So tonight when I was watching Edward & Carter go out with a bang I thought I should bring out my list and add to it. I'm not really sure what exactly I'm going to add -- I just have a few ideas:

1. Become bilingual (English & French) by the time I was 25.
2. Write a novel.
3. Travel the world: South Africa, India, Morocco, Egypt, Iran, Greece, Israel, France, Switzerland, Czech Republic, Hong Kong, Japan, Australia, Fiji, Haiti, Brazil, Ecuador, Mexico.
   
4. Skydive.
   

I will add more as I think of it, but right now I'm going to start saving.

2 Cor 5:18-19

With MPD comes lots of expectations. I expected to be nervous about MPD. I expected to have a hard time calling people, to be excited by the process and in seeing God provide. I expected to dislike being in Renfrew. So far, my expectations have not gone unmet. One thing I did not expect to be so closely connected to my MPD is reconciliation. I've had a few appointments where these people have challenged me to reconcile with their children, people I grew up with. 

Last week, one parent said to me, "I have a challenge for you," he said. "I challenge you to call up [my daughter] and meet with her and talk about what happened with your relationship. I want you guys to figure out what went wrong." 

I was pretty stunned by this, I wasn't expecting it. I knew my relationship with their daughter had gone to the dogs, and I knew that I had let them down in some ways by giving up on that friendship. It was a pleasant surprise, after I got over the shock of it. 

It occurred to me on the drive home that I likely would never have gotten in touch with her and made that relationship better had they not specifically challenged me to. Perhaps, later on in life God would put it on my heart and I would have reconciled. It seems that there's something I have to learn from this. I brush off suggestions as "good ideas" or "things I should do in the general future", but if it's framed as a challenge I see it worthy of accomplishing even if simply to keep up appearances. I take a challenge seriously and I like rising to one. I felt more inclined to get in touch with this old friend than to book MPD appointments this week. Perhaps I should frame my MPD more in terms of various challenges I need to reach?

And yes, I did get in touch with her. We're meeting on Saturday for lunch. I hope it goes well and we can figure things out. I'm glad her dad made me do this. It's scary, but I'm sure it'll be worth it.

I just read Tim Challies' post where he explains his answer to his kids when they asked him who he loved more, them or their mother (& his wife). This was his answer:

"'Daddy, who do you love more, Mommy or us?' I thought for just a moment and told them the truth. They cried.

The fact is, I love their mother more than I love them and I told them as much. I did so gently and lovingly but with confidence that I am right to feel this way. I love my children desperately.... There are undoubtedly different kinds of love and we cannot necessary equate the passionate, romantic love I have for my wife with the parental love I have for my children. Where I never chose to love my children, I did choose to love Aileen, or I did as much as anyone can exercise his will in such matters of the heart. There came a time when I set my heart on her and committed myself to loving her for better or for worse."

What he said really made me think about my own life (not my singlness, although it did make me think about that, too). It occurred to me how upset I was when my mom made it clear to me and my brother that we were a side-note to her life with her new husband. This was pretty difficult for me and made me pretty angry. I'm not saying it is wrong, but it just goes to show how awful divorce is in so many different ways. I guess that may also be the root of the archetypal image of the evil step-parent. As children, we think the the step-parent is evil because they are coming between the natural bond between a parent & a child that preceeded the love between the parent & step-parent (but not preceeding the love of the original parents).

Anyways, these are just reflections on growing into adulthood, or something.

ADD

This summer I've noticed that I'm kind of ADD-esque. Well, not really. I don't have ADD and many things can hold my attention. I have noticed, though, that I get really excited and interested in something and I stick to that for a bit and the proceed to move on to something once that initial excitement and interest has passed. Perseverance has really never been my forte. It's kind of annoying, actually. I love the feeling of accomplishment; I rarely experience it. I tend to finish things I cannot quit, but then I find ways to quit more things than the average person. I can justify anything. 

This has made me realize how unprepared I am to move into the next stage of my life. I'm much less mature than I had previously thought, I'm much less put-together and really just feel like I'm fumbling around trying to figure things out. It's weird -- for so long I was very self-assured and self-aware. I knew myself, was comfortable with who I was and that was that. I guess this summer I've realized just how proud I've been and how much of my personality was built on a foundation of pride, what I thought was self-confidence. When the busyness of life quiets down and you find yourself alone, what do you do with your time? I really did not expect my summer to be spent this way. Maybe it will prove useful later, who knows. 

moving up in the world

I'm at the National Arts Centre in Ottawa right now waiting for Wicked to start. It occurred to me when I almost spread my arms & legs after the lady took my ticket thyat it's been a long time since I've been to an entertainment event that does not require me to be frisked on entering. It feels funny. I think I prefer the loud, spirited crowds & lingering scent of pot smoke the accompanies a good concert. But that's just me!

propaganda!

Last week, even though I mentioned to a friend that I was boycotting the olympics, I ended up watching bits and pieces of the Opening Ceremony. It was pretty impressive at times with the choreographed dancing and light displays. But there were a few times when it made me sick to my stomach. At the end Sarah Brightman and Liu Han sang "One World, One dream / we are family" while hundreds of people opened up umbrellas showing ethnically diverse children/people with smiling faces.

I was appalled by this. Sure, it's nice thought, and I guess it probably would apply if all of those people belonged to the Communist Party. But how many people were being beaten and tortured in prison while Sarah Brightman sang in harmony with Liu Han? How many organs were being harvested?

Of course few countries actually have a perfect record of torture & just practices in war, engaging with civil society etc. Canada, maybe we haven't done it ourselves, but we have participated knowingly and given questions to the countries actually doing the torture. I think that counts. The US, well, the US "doesn't" torture like I "don't" like chocolate.

Anyways, the ceremony still made me want to vomit at times. That's all I'm saying.

providence

After what was a not so great week (to say the least) I'm back to 'normal' again. I think. So that's good, although it doesn't necessarily mean that I'll have tons of appointments this week. A lot of people I need to meet with are on vacation still. But I did have a neat story from this past week.

As you may or may not know, the latter part of the phrase "working hard, or hardly working" applied to me this past week. When I went to church today a woman I had never met before (but recognized) came up to me and said she'd like a partnership form. I asked her what she had in mind for giving -- mostly because I didn't know if she was interested in a one-time gift or regular giving. She replied, "Well, I was thinking $50-$100 a month."

I think my eyes popped out of my head like they do in cartoons. She later explained that she had been moving money into another account and didn't really know why until she heard about my ministry. That's cool. And so undeserved!

get lost

I'm really not enjoying being here at home. I think I've communicated that before. I've been home from Staff Conference only two days and already I'm hating it. I was trying to figure out what it is about this place that I can't stand. I realized that the lack of motivation that I've been feeling this summer is not restricted to MPD -- I felt it while I was in school, too. But when I was in Kingston I could easily change scenery or atmosphere and that was all I needed. I'd go to the Library or M-C or the Goat or whatever. Here I don't really feel like I can do that. When I walk down the street people gawk at me because I don't look like I fit in, there is no coffee shop that has wireless where I can do work.

A few months ago while I was still in Kingston I asked my friend where she wanted to move. She said Montreal, Toronto or Vancouver -- somewhere that has a population of over a million. When I asked why she replied, "I  really like the feeling of disappearing in a sea of people." 

When she said that I kind of thought she had some sort of complex, some sort of social disfunction or self-image problem that she didn't value herself and wanted to disappear. But now i understand what she meant. I realize that I miss the anonymity of Kingston, even if Kingston isn't by any means comparable in size to Montreal. 

And so, because I feel like when I walk down the street people are staring, because I feel like there is no where to go, because I listen to these ridiculous doubts or discomforts in my head I've pretty much become a shut-in, a recluse. 

I just want to be lost in a sea of people, in the healthiest way possible!

math

So I was quite encouraged at staff conference about my MPD. I had a couple people tell me that being at 40% was pretty great -- even Lydia & Silas (apparently, so I heard) were at about 30% by Staff conference & they made it to campus by Oct/Nov. I did some math & figured out what I had to accomplish if I wanted all my pledges to be in by October 15. I just picked the 15th cause it's a nice middle number. So I did some math and found out that I need to raise double my weekly goal (set by MPD coaches) in order to make it on campus by then. DOUBLE. I guess that means i need to do double the work I've been doing which roughly works out to 10 appointments a week.... which is, consequently, what I was supposed to be doing anyways. I'm encouraged by that!