sovereign hands

Winter Conference this year was quite different for so many reasons. I wasn't really sure how it would go considering my health, but it was pretty good. In fact, the last few days have been quite wonderful. On the evening of the 30th after a fantastic session a bunch of students from McMaster did as they always do and started a worship circle that lasted quite a while. For the last few years it's been the highlight of my conference experience; there's something so different about that student-led worship that is totally incomparable (in my mind) to the corporate worship in the sessions. It's so much more lively, joy-filled and dynamic. I stayed up until 2am taking it all in. The next day I was chatting with Angela and she commented that it was the first time in a long time she had seen me so happy. It's true. I realized I couldn't remember the last time I was that happy.

The rest of the time was just so much better. I felt more like myself as I joked around with my friends I hadn't seen in so long and enjoyed my time with them. It wasn't just that I was with people I hadn't been with in awhile, it was also the joy that I saw in other conference attendees like Mac Cru. There's just something about the Mac students that makes me happy. I love their energy, their creativity and how they seriously know how to have a good time. I felt happy just by being in the same room as them.

So here I sit, alone in my room, having said goodbye to real-life physical interaction with my dearest friends for who knows how long. When I was thinking about it earlier today for a moment I wished I hadn't felt the happiness because it made it so much harder to feel it slip away as I came face to face with my imminent isolation. And as tears stream down my face I realize that wishing it hadn't happened is the hopeless response. If I learned anything this weekend is that I have hope. Christ conquered the grave, so He can surely tear the veil of loneliness and return to me my heart of flesh still beating in His warm, strong, sovereign hands.