I have this crazy idea that I can screw up so bad that it interferes with some sort of plan God may have. I don't even know if I believe God has a PLAN for our lives, set out in advance.... but I do sort of have this fear that I can screw it up, whatever it is. That somehow I can miss his call on my life, that I can not hear Him telling me something and I do something else instead.
I'm clearly dumb and audacious. Honestly, sometimes my stupidity is overwhelming and I wonder how it is I can bathe myself and not die of self-neglect. I've sort of had this panic-stricken week. Panic over what I'm going to do next summer as my development project. Looking back on it now, I actually feel really embarassed at how stupid I was being. I was being this stupid this summer too until Selene knocked some sense into me. Well, she just said some things and I trusted her... for a couple months that is.
I've had an interesting day. Not eating is hard. REALLY HARD. Not eating and then not thinking about all the chocolate bars people are eating because its the day after Hallowe'en is even harder. But I feel like I learned something today and maybe didn't get as much insight as I was hoping. Maybe even got more confused haha. But I have a peace now. That I can't screw up. Sometimes I feel like God wont move unless we do something to make Him move. Like Him bringing revival is contingent on us somehow. Now I feel like that idea is really selfish and a misunderstanding of God. But at the same time, I feel like if our hearts, as Christians, are hardened, can't we get in the way - like Israel got in the way of God's plan to reach the nations? Ultimately God beat everyone, cause he's GOD...
man... i just confused myself even more.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Haha, sounds like it was a confusing day Jess...
You know, whenever I feel like I'm screwing up God's plans, I like to think about the fact that God is sovereign, and even though the thickheadedness of the Israelites makes them look stupid and makes it look like God's plan got delayed, I rejoice, that despite all that, God's plan was still fulfilled (aka Jesus saving us all.)
And with regards to God's revival being contingent on us, I don't think that's foolish sounding at all. Brad said something very interesting that day that we went evangelising on St. Jean Baptiste day in the parks. What he said was, "Who knows? Maybe the reason that God saves that person is because you prayed that he may be."
It really made me think... it's a very plausible reason. Keep on keeping on :)
Post a Comment