normaler

So, things are better. Not normal, but better than before. Tonight at the weekly C4C meeting I shared my testimony, in all its awkward-for-the-guys-ness. I was really challenged by God to be completely honest about everything that has happened in my life because he has healed me and changed me. This is how I started it off:

We’ve just heard some pretty amazing stories of how God has been working in these people’s lives. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, especially in the last few weeks. This semester has been so weird for me. Usually I love my program – I’m studying Global Development Studies – as depressing as the program is, I usually enjoy it. But I’ve been here struggling through the semester, hating my classes, wanting my degree to be over and done with, just trying to get through each day. God kept exhorting me to press on, to persevere, to be steadfast. But day after day as I had to force myself to do readings about things that seem like such a waste of my existence (remind me WHY we’re questioning if child prostitution is wrong?); day after day doing things I love like discipling my girls, leading my DG, going to Servant Team meetings, coming here and hanging out with you guys; day after day, wondering when I’d be able to relax, have real fun. In some ways I lived for those hours on Sunday afternoon when Brittany would be discipling me and when I would not have to be a leader, I wouldn’t have to represent C4C, when I could just be me, my totally obnoxious, weird, mom-joke-telling self.

In the last few weeks everything has come to halt and I’ve had to ask myself, why am I doing this again? Why am I going to all ends of my sanity to build into people, to share my life, to make hard decisions, to risk my friendships with people for the sake of the truth, and to see my marks seriously suffer. As I reflected on this I knew exactly why: because God has done a hugely amazing transformative mind-blowing, i-can’t-believe-its-not-butter work in my life.

It's true, though. God has changed me through and through. I was able to talk about sketchy things in my deep past as if it was someone else's story, because in a way it is no longer my story; the old has gone the new has come. This past week, in a way, has been good for me to reflect on how amazing God is, and how good he is to me, no matter what I go through.

this is part of my conclusion:

This is why I go out. This is why I spend my time doing what I do. Because God loves me and he went to extreme lengths to save me in my wretchedness. I go out and risk and sacrifice because I was one of those people, I still am one of those people who needs God so desperately. I go out because I love my God and he has been so good to me. I go out because people need to hear this beautiful news, this story of love, of compassion, of sacrifice, of freedom, of redemption, of mercy, of grace, of joy and life to its full.... I just can’t explain to you in words how good God has been to me and how much I love him. How much his word is so true and I see it working out in my life. It’s why my life verse is 1 Thessalonians 2:8: We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.

I have nothing to brag about, except for Christ’s work in me. So I go out knowing only this: that I was so dead in my sin, but now I’m so very alive in Christ.

Hmm, so yeah. God is good to me!