woo! devs

I seriously love my program. SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY. Sometimes I get really depressed, it's true. Sometimes it makes me cry because I'm being educated on the secular evidence of a broken broken world. The depths of the darkness, the ignorance, the sinisterness of the hearts of individuals is really evident in the world of development. It gets hard to learn about it and feels so alone when you know you're one individual and can't possibly break down the structures and attitudes of violence that is such a a part of our world.

But today, walking out of my midterm for Financial Architecture of Development, I felt so passionate about what I do. Sure, it's been a lot of review up until this point, and sure, sometimes its hard. But it's worth it. It's worth understanding the world in a way not many do. I just take so much joy in it. I think that's partly because I'm realizing that I'm not stupid at it. That I'm realizing that I'm starting to understand how to deconstruct the arguments, that I'm acquiring enough knoweldge about these situations that I can see problems with the issues before I'm taught them.

I seriously wanted to start writing papers for fun. FOR FUN. I want to write books about development and how these things should matter to the general populace. Because they do matter. Man, I wish I knew what my future held for me.